ascension is the final frontier. divinity surrounds us but how can we tell if it's real or not? can we find it or must it come to us? what do you believe in, and is it right or wrong?
divinity exists in shimmers of light, reflecting off pools and metals in the sun. it only appears for a second or two. the sun lingers on the side of a shopping mall. looking directly at the glass hurts your eyes. when you close them, some residual greens and blues appear. they must be angels. what are they saying? you lower your head and see small sparkles on the sidewalk, reminding you that the very earth is not yours to claim. there's a woman with perfectly curled hair walking towards you. her bag is fine leather dyed a light sky blue. the golden lettering draws your eye, "PRADA" perfectly placed. you go home and look up the bag out of curiosity - over $2000 apiece. do you think that she is god?
you shuffle around your miserable little life, wondering why you can't have anything good. you see people living out their dreams and you want to do it too. you think you have a good idea for a song or painting or movie or novel. will you make it? god is watching you through your reflection in the storefront. for a moment, you come close to the holy material of the purse. you were shunned from heaven so it does not belong to you. holes appear in your pockets. your feet hurt from walking around all day.
chemical waste drips off the side of your head. the drivers today are dumbasses. it must be the sun. it shines in their eyes so they get annoyed nad reckless. it's like in the stranger, except the protagonist is a lazy oaf in a giant suv who thinks the bones crunching beneath them are frm a giant deer even though they're in the middle of a city. i know i make a lot of jokes about dying in traffic but being run over would be very unpleasant. you might not even die; what a terrible gamble. you're dragging your feet while you walk. you want to maul yourself. in a desperate attempt to leave your body you're going to cut open your arm and see what happens. no, i'm just saying these things. something happened 2 me and you that made us unnaturally sensitive to touch. some people think that's funny but we just want to overcome it. you need courage. you're not sure where it'll come from bc it won't come from within.
thinking about taking an oath of silence for a few months
thinking about detaching myself from time
thinking about being able to do what i want for once
it should rain later in the week. you'd better get going. all this time you wanted to just read books in the shade but at this point you'd be too distracted by your skin getting oily and the symphony of outdoor sounds. you pass by a garbage can full of curdled drinks and dog shit. at least the flies seem happy. it wouldn't be summer without the smells